He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
