Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do herpes really smell.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
