I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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