i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
