I am puke
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
