I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize