you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
