i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
