make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
