I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
