That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When are your genitals available?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
