Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
