Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
