there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize