Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
