She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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