I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize