I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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