You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
