chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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