sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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