I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
