let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
