drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
