I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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