I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we're chasing vodka with high fives
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
