you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Cover your peen. We're going out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
