I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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