Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
