How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
