i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
