I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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