Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
