forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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