This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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