I'm passing your future prison.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
