i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
