you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
