i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
