Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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