you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Semen is not good for contacts.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
