Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize