and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
