toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
