oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
