Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
