I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize