running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
