Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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