his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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