The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
