I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
