Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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