Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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