I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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