I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
