Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
