I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
