i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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