hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
