all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
