this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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