im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
