some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize