well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
