It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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