Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
