and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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