xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
MIDGETS
????
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
