STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
