I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
